This has been one hell of a year. In good and in bad too. So many emotions, so many feelings, so many breakthroughs, so many happy moments and so many disappointments, worries and sleepless nights.

There’s not really even a core point in writing this. I just wanted to come back to the writing I’ve been forsaken to survive from all this.

Life seems to be scattered fragments. Worry about dear ones. Tough decisions on who to meet and what risks to take. Or who not to meet and what risks not to take.

There have also been some very precious, beautiful moments. Growing daughter who has reached a way new level of independence without losing the love and attachment I cherish so much.

There’s yearning of loved ones, fear of losing, happiness of support, meaningful messages and drifting thought about what really matters the most.

There have been mental vacations, struggles within areas I didn’t even know existed before. Servers, emails, phone calls, communication breakdowns and communications that have really made the difference.

There have been morning coffees alone and morning coffees via Zoom. Morning coffees before sunrise, morning coffees in bed with my loved one and morning coffee with borrowed kids.

There’s half written poems, completely read books, sentences I’ve deleted.

Above all lingers the change. The new normal which is still unknown. Small, flickering thought that maybe I’ve changed too.

There are web stores and websites that have been opened, client cases that have been closed. Window shades that can be finally opened after the massive renovation. Doors I’ve intentionally closed.

In the refrigerator, there’s different kind of food than there used to be. There are makeup products that have been totally unused for months. There are Mother’s Day presents still not given and there are Christmas gifts received in May.

There are smiles on my phone screen and there are tears which I’ve shed when the night comes. There have been frantic instagram posting and there has been social media detox.

There has also been some yoga, meditation, long walks, and days when I’ve just let myself be. There’s a past I’ve been going back and things I’ve learned to let go of.

And then there’s future in which I walk with a whole new mental toolkit after all this. I don’t yet know how it’s going to be or who I actually am but I think I’m ready to enter.